Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hot dog! Summer in the City

In the Northwest, no one and I mean NO ONE has air conditioning, and none of us are used to heat at all. Pretty much, we're all wimps. As for my family... wimp does not begin to describe it! 

Last night might have been the longest night of my entire life. We had someone spend the night, so Griffey was in extreme guard dog mode. He barked at cats across the street, people 15 blocks away, the wind, the heat, God, his imagination,  everything.

At one point, he was eerily quiet. I hoped (knowing I was foolishly dreaming) that he had just decided to sleep downstairs. Maybe it was cooler down there? After a few seconds, I got up and checked on him. He was not downstairs sleeping like the angel I had been picturing. He was, in fact, laying in the hallway eating chocolate lube.

No, I'm not that cool... or crazy. I do not buy lube, or chocolate lube, or talk about it on the internet. It was my bachelorette party last Saturday night and I got the tasty treat from a close friend. I don't think she envisioned Griffey mowing it down in the hallway when she bought it, but really that's the only thing it'd ever get used for. So what I guess I'm trying to say is, "Thank you Caylin, your present was very thoughtful and has been put to good use."

So how are we trying to beat the heat tonight? Well I moved the hugest fan ever produced up to the bedroom this afternoon. Moving it alone made me need to take a shower. It's pointing at what normally is my side of the bed, but since it's near the window, it's currently C's side. Please say a little prayer for me tonight asking that C not roll over every time Griffey barks to say "Babe. I'm really hot."

Monday, July 20, 2009

Lazy Bones

Even though I don't close the door, Ken Griffey Jr. and Britney Spears wait outside the bathroom for me every day. 

Half the time, the second I slide the shower curtain open, they come barreling in for a crazy leg-licking session as if I've deprived them of water their entire lives. The other 1/2 the time, they don't even flinch when I get out and I come around the corner to this.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Bridezilla rant #1

I haven't really written anything about our upcoming wedding on here and I've kind of been avoiding it. Where do I start? What should I say? How do I write about it without being annoying? Well, I guess I'm throwing that out the window today and going a little Bridezilla on your ass! :)

My dad set me with up a friend of his who works for a party rental place. I went to visit three weeks ago and got really excited. Everything looked gorgeous and fun and wedding-y. I told the guy I'd email him my needs/wants and ask for a quote. He emailed back the very next day and said, "I'm sorry but I forgot the date of your wedding. Just let me know that and I can put in your order."

WHOA hold your horses there mister man! I don't want you to put in an order for anything until I get a quote. Now, of course I was much more diplomatic than that in my email and politely asked if he'd send me a quote before placing any orders. 

Two weeks go by and I hear nothing back. I email him again saying "Hey, just checking in on this quote." Still, nothing.

So this past Monday morning I called him on the phone. He told me my paperwork was literally on the top of his pile and asked if I'd give him until the end of the day to send it to me. "Of course!" I said. "I'm looking forward to it."

Three days later, still nothing. ARGGGGG

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I missed my chance!!!!!

Just now, there was a knock on the door. I went to look and a random guy had come to the door then walked back to wait all the way back on the sidewalk. I cracked open the door because Griffey and Britney would've made a run for it if they could. Here's how the conversation went:

Random guy referring to the hippy van on the side of our house: Is that your van over there? 

Me: yeah

Random guy: Do you want to get rid of it?

Me after thoughtful hesitation: No

Random guy: You don't want to sell it?

Me after more thoughtful hesitation: No :(


One day, several years ago, our family was having dinner and one of us mentioned always seeing this family of curly-cue redheads walking down the same strip of road near our house. There were three stair-step kids and a mom. The rest of us each had their own shocked reaction of "I always see them there too!!!" It was bizarre. All of us had our own private laughs when we drove by this family totally unaware that we all had the exact same experiences.

From then on, we've always reported back our sightings of The Redheads. I have had the most up-close experience with The Redheads. I was playing tennis at a park near our house and the whole family of little Redheads came around the corner. I was dumbfounded. I had never seen them outside of my car before and they were SO CLOSE. Then, one of them came up to me and asked me where the playground was. It was amazing! They spoke to me! Of course, I immediately called home to brag about it.

Yesterday, my mom (a banker) texted all of us to say The Redheads had come into the bank. She suggested I write a blog about redheads, and I had to ask if she meant redheads in general or a blog all about The Redheads. She said redheads in general, but regular updates on The Redheads would be most appropriate.

Now, I don't think I have enough material yet to blog about redheads alone, so now, thanks to my  mom, you can all expect to receive general redhead updates on this one.

In closing, here's a snippet of a conversation often heard around these parts:

Me: Our kids are gonna look like Little Orphan Annie

C: Yeah right, more like Problem Child!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Griffey's keeper

So I'm only two chapters into the book My Sister's Keeper and I already feel bad for adopting Britney just so Griffey would have company while we were at work. I don't think she'll hire a lawyer to disown us, but I don't think the 13-year-old girl's parents thought that either.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Kris Wycoff

After cleaning up the toilet paper tornado that hit our bathroom today, I came to a realization. Actually, it was more like I was finally able to put to words what I have been thinking for weeks now:

Welcoming Britney Spears to our family has been less like having a 2nd baby and more like permanently adopting Kris Wycoff.

Kris Wycoff was my brother's best friend growing up. He was an adorable kid to look at - short, blond, big glasses, cute as can be. But boy was he a terror! Whenever he was over, he'd get my brother into the most hilarious and naughty situations. My brother was just fine at being a boy, in my opinion. Cutting off my Barbies' hair, dirtying up the house, yelling, playing basketball indoors... but Kris Wycoff really knew how to take things to the next level in naughty boy world.

The same goes for Griffey and Britney. By no means am I denying Griffey did his fair share of naughty things because I have cried over waaaay to many shoes to let that be misunderstood. But with Britney here, it's like he's learning all new ways to drive me crazy! One timely example being the previous post with the toilet paper all over the bathroom. Griffey never knew you could grab one square of toilet paper and create an entire's day worth of fun.

Now I'm sure Griffey is secretly teaching Britney just as many dirty tricks and my brother taught Kris back in the day, but he's just more sly about it. And just as my brother has never let on how much damage he did on his own and blamed more than his fair share on his fair-haired devil friend, I know Griffey will never let on what he's shown Brit. I guess that's what brothers do.

Oh yeah and when my brother and Kris put on every single article of clothing they owned to make a rap video by fat people, Kris couldn't get the clothes off quickly enough and peed his pants. Britney does that all the time too.

Ahhhh, welcome home!

I know it's been a while since I last posted, but I kept avoiding it because it had been so long. I thought since I had been gone for so long, I'd need to make it a really good one when I finally did write...but then I realized I have very few real readers (yet!), so it doesn't really matter as long as I keep at it.

So, without further ado, here's how I was welcomed home today after a particularly grumpy afternoon.